


The Beginning

by stuckyfucky



Series: Baby Bucky [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: APSHDS Inspired, Age Regression/De-Aging, Bathing/Washing, But Rumlow Instead Of Pierce, Confused Steve Rogers, Crying, Diapers, Forced Infantilism, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Little Bucky, M/M, Napping, Non-Sexual Age Play, Other, Past Abuse, Platonic Cuddling, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sort Of, Temper Tantrums, Toddler Bucky, Wetting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:53:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28823277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuckyfucky/pseuds/stuckyfucky
Summary: I have been hesitant to write something like this because I'm not really into it, but the more I thought about it the more I wanted to. This is sort of inspired by Lauralot's APSHDS series - because Bucky is forced into regression for the entertainment of his abuser, except here Brock Rumlow was the abuser instead of Pierce. Bucky is also regressed younger than in Lauralot's series. But the general idea has been influenced by APSHDS.This will probably become a series too. It will probably contain stories of baby Bucky with Steve as well as flashback stories of baby Bucky with Rumlow.It won't let me link APSHDS because it apparently only allows links to works as inspiration, not series. But I will just link it in the actual work instead of in the "inspired by" thingy.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Brock Rumlow, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Baby Bucky [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2113968
Comments: 3
Kudos: 70





	The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> I have been hesitant to write something like this because I'm not really into it, but the more I thought about it the more I wanted to. This is sort of inspired by Lauralot's APSHDS series - because Bucky is forced into regression for the entertainment of his abuser, except here Brock Rumlow was the abuser instead of Pierce. Bucky is also regressed younger than in Lauralot's series. But the general idea has been influenced by APSHDS.
> 
> This will probably become a series too. It will probably contain stories of baby Bucky with Steve as well as flashback stories of baby Bucky with Rumlow.
> 
> It won't let me link APSHDS because it apparently only allows links to works as inspiration, not series. But I will just link it in the actual work instead of in the "inspired by" thingy.

[APSHDS](https://archiveofourown.org/series/114886) by [Lauralot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lauralot/pseuds/Lauralot)

* * *

It started as a joke. The Commander had been bored, and had decided that laughing at the Asset would be a good way to pass the time. He had ordered the Asset to strip, put a diaper on it, and told it to suck it's thumb. The Commander had laughed and called the Asset names. He had taken pictures on his phone, presumably to show the other agents so they may laugh as well. The Asset hadn't understood what was so funny, but then again it wasn't its place to wonder. 

The next time the Commander had the Asset alone in the safehouse post-mission, he put it in a diaper again. He told the Asset to act like a baby. He held the Asset in his lap while it sucked it's thumb this time, instead of taking pictures or laughing. 

From then on, every time the Commander took the Asset on a mission alone, it was ordered to be the baby. It was given a pacifier and instructed to suck on it whenever it wasn't eating or drinking. When it was eating, the Commander would feed it rather than letting it feed itself. When it was drinking, it was to drink from the sippy cup the Commander had provided. It wore diapers and was ordered to use them. It had asked once in the beginning to use the toilet instead, and the Commander had told it that it was too little for that. "You can still shit in the toilet though, because I ain't changing _that_ kind of diaper." He had said. The Asset had pointed out that it was actually larger than the Commander, and the Commander had not been happy. The bruises his belt left on the Asset's bottom had lasted 2 days, even with its advanced healing. The Asset hadn't asked again.

Eventually the Asset grew accustomed to being the baby. It started to enjoy the comfort the pacifier provided. It liked being held and cuddled by the Commander. It got easier and easier to cry when upset, hungry, or wet, like the Commander told it to. It even sometimes didn't notice it had used its diaper until the Commander changed it.

When the Asset misbehaved as the baby, the Commander would "spank" the Asset with his belt rather than the much harsher punishments the Asset was dealt when it was acting as the Soldier. It was hard to be grateful for that as the baby, though, because even though it was used to literal torture as the Soldier, as the baby that belt somehow felt like the most painful thing in the world.

The Asset slowly started to become less aware of itself when it was ordered to be the baby. It sometimes didn't remember the time it had spent as the baby when it was the Soldier again. It occasionally caught itself sucking its thumb while alone in its cell, although it didn't remember even putting it in its mouth. The Commander caught it sucking its thumb once in the transport van in front of agent Rollins. They had made fun of the Asset and took turns using their stun batons on it. Later, when the Commander and the Asset were alone, the Commander told it it cannot behave like that in front of anyone except him. He spanked the Asset with his belt even though the Asset was not currently the baby.

At some point the Commander no longer needed to order the Asset to be the baby. Whenever they were alone in the safehouse after a mission, the transition was automatic. The Asset would cling to "daddy" as the Commander had ordered it to call him, as soon as they stepped into the house. The Commander always seemed happy when the Asset was the baby, and the Asset was eager to please regardless of its headspace.

Then there was the mission on the bridge, where the blonde man with the shield had called the Asset "Bucky". The Asset was confused for a while after that mission. Then the man from the bridge had been in the helicarrier, and he had confused the Asset again. The Asset could not complete its mission and kill this man, and it didn't know why. Something made it save the man, for some reason. It knew it would be punished, but it couldn't complete the mission. But it wasn't punished, because no agent ever came to collect it. It had failed and was abandoned. 

For a while the Asset finds itself wishing for someone to come and collect it. It wants to be a good Asset and follow orders. It doesn't know what to do without orders. It sometimes slips into being the baby and comes back to itself with tears on its face, its thumb in it mouth, and sometimes wet pants. It wishes the Commander would come and be its daddy again. 

As the Asset learns more and more about life and being a person, these thoughts become less frequent. At the Smithsonian, it learns it's name, the one the blonde man ( _Steve, his name is Steve) it reminds itself,_ had called it. It learns its past and starts to piece together what had happened to it. It learns that it is not an it, but a _he._

He eventually no longer slips into being a baby, which he is glad for. He has gathered enough information to know that it is not normal. He still wets the bed every time he sleeps. That he cannot stop, though he tries. He is ashamed, but at least he isn't sucking his thumb and crying and calling out for "daddy" anymore. And he only wets in his sleep and not while he is awake. He is thankful for that.

He's been in hiding for about a year when Steve finds him (because of course Steve finds him) and brings him to the Avengers tower in New York. It's hard to get used to it, and he still has a lot of healing to do, but Steve is patient with him and always so kind. He never makes fun of Bucky or punishes him, even when he finds out he wets the bed. Steve convinces him to wear diapers to bed and he is hesitant because of the memories of being forced to wear them with Rumlow, but he agrees eventually and has to admit he does sleep better. He ignores the sadness he feels when he remembers Rumlow taking care of him. He shouldn't miss that. He pushes the memories out of his mind.

He's been living with Steve for about 4 months when it happens. Everything had been normal. He had gotten up that morning, showered and gotten dressed, and walked out to see Steve in the kitchen grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. 

"I'm going on my run, Bucky, you wanna come?" Steve asked.

"Not today, I'm still a little tired. I might take a nap after breakfast." Bucky replied.

"Okay, I'll see you in about an hour then." Steve said before he left.

Bucky made pancakes and scrambled eggs, and had a glass of orange juice. He made Steve a plate too and put it on the table for him to eat when he gets home. He went to refill his glass with juice, but wasn't paying enough attention, and he knocked the glass over. It hit the floor and shattered and that's when it happened.

Suddenly he was a 2 year old, and he didn't know where he was. This place doesn't look like any of the safehouses daddy usually takes care of him in. Where is daddy? He calls out for daddy but he doesn't come. He sees the glass on the floor and starts to cry. Daddy will be so mad when he sees he broke the glass and made a mess! He doesn't want a spanking. He tries to pick up the glass, and it doesn't hurt his metal hand but his other hand gets all cut up and he's bleeding. He's making even more of a mess now and there's no way daddy won't spank him. He looks around for somewhere to hide, maybe daddy won't find him and he won't be in trouble. He crawls behind the couch. He's still crying because he's scared and even though he knows daddy will be angry he wishes he was here. He's still bleeding and his hand hurts and he kind of needs to go pee but he's not wearing his diaper, but he can't hold it very long when he's a baby. He tries to be quiet so he won't be in trouble, but his hand hurts and he wants daddy and now his pants are wet too.

×

When Steve first comes in from his run, he doesn't notice anything out of the ordinary. He takes a quick shower, then heads to the kitchen for a drink. He spots the plate Bucky left out for him, and though the food is now cold, he's grateful for it. He goes to grab the juice from the fridge and that's when he sees the glass and blood all over the floor.

"Bucky?" He calls. He starts to panic when there's no reply. 

"Bucky?! Bucky are you hurt?" No answer.

He follows the blood trail to the living room, where it disappears behind the couch. As he approaches he now hears the soft sobbing, as if someone is crying and trying to stop or be quiet about it. He gets a little closer and his nose crinkles a little at the scent of urine. 

He crouches down and looks behind the couch. He sees Bucky sitting with his back to him, shaking a little as he tries unsuccessfully to suppress his sobs. There's a puddle of piss under him, but Steve won't say anything about it, right now he just needs to make sure he's not hurt.

"Bucky?" He says gently. "Are you alright?" Bucky doesn't answer.

"Bucky come here. I need to see if you're injured."

After a few minutes of gently trying to coax Bucky out, he decides to just move the couch. He needs to make sure Bucky's not hurt. He reaches out but Bucky cowers away from him, so he pulls his hand back. He's really worried about this strange behavior. 

"Can you show me where you're bleeding?" He asks.

Bucky doesn't look at him, but he holds his right hand out. There are a few cuts on it, but they're already closed up and now pink as new skin grows over them. Bucky has super healing like Steve.

"Okay, that's not too bad." Steve says. "What happened?" But Bucky doesn't answer him.

There's silence for a few minutes, only broken by Bucky's soft crying which is soon replaced by sniffling. That's when Steve decides to bring it up.

"Did you wet your pants?" He asks. Bucky shakes his head no, even though it's quite obvious that he did.

"You should get changed anyway." Steve says, as he stands and holds out his hand to Bucky. This time Bucky takes his hand and Steve helps him up. He leads him to the bathroom. 

"I'll go get your clothes." 

Steve goes to the bedroom to grab some clothes for Bucky, and he thinks about what just happened. Bucky gets scared or anxious and panics sometimes, but he's never seen him like this. It's really worrying him. When he returns to the bathroom with Bucky's clothes, he finds him standing in the exact spot he left him, still sniffling quietly with his eyes red rimmed from crying. He holds out the clothes but Bucky makes no move to grab them, so he sets them on the counter instead.

"You need anything?" Steve asks.

"I want daddy!" Bucky whines, and he starts crying again. 

Steve is shocked. 

"What?" He asks once his brain starts working again.

"Want daddy!" Bucky sobs.

"Bucky, what are you talking about? Is this some kind of joke?"

Bucky just cries harder and Steve doesn't know what to do. 

"You should get changed." He says, and walks out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He doesn't know what the fuck is going on, but he knows it's bad.

He can still hear Bucky crying in the bathroom from the kitchen as he sweeps up the glass and wipes up the blood. He waits for nearly 20 minutes before he decides to go check on him. He knocks on the bathroom door. 

"Bucky? Are you okay?"

Bucky doesn't answer, he just keeps crying. Steve opens the door to see that Bucky hasn't even moved. He's still standing in the same spot and hasn't even touched the clothes Steve brought him.

"You really need to clean yourself up, Bucky." He says, but Bucky doesn't answer or make any move to do so. He just stands there crying, and Steve wonders what is wrong with him.

Clearly Bucky isn't going to do it himself, so Steve pulls down his sweatpants and underwear for him. He steps out of the soiled clothing when Steve pulls them to his ankles but other than that he doesn't move.

Steve grabs a washcloth and wets it in the sink with warm water. He soaps it up and holds it out to Bucky, who makes no move to take it. Steve sighs and kneels down to clean Bucky up himself. 

It's extremely awkward, to be wiping down another grown man's ass and genitals, but Steve can't just let Bucky stay like this. He rinses the soap out of the cloth and wipes Bucky again and then dries him with a towel before he helps him step into the new underwear and pants.

He stands up and almost says something when he sees Bucky has his metal thumb in his mouth, but he bites his tongue and stays quiet. He doesn't want Bucky to start crying again. 

"Um... well, come on then, I guess." And he leads Bucky out of the bathroom. 

He brings him to the living room and tells him to sit on the couch. Then he goes to the bedroom to make a phone call.

"Steve, what's up?" Sam says when he answers the phone. Steve explains the situation and what's happening with Bucky.

"I have no idea how to deal with something like that." Sam says after Steve is done talking. "You don't think he's just messing with you?"

"He pissed his pants and wouldn't clean himself up! I had to wipe him down and change his pants for him like a baby. And he cried the whole time! If this is a joke it's a really, really weird one Sam." 

"Well, I don't even know what to say, dude. If I was in New York maybe I'd come try to see what's up with him. I don't know. Maybe just wait and it might pass on it's own. This hasn't happened before?"

"No, I don't know what the fuck is going on but it's weird."

"Well, I guess just indulge him for now and once he's back to normal ya'll will definitely need to have a talk. I don't know what else to say." Sam says.

"Alright, I guess I should go, uh, take care of him then." Steve says. "Thanks anyway, Sam."

"No problem." Sam says, and Steve hangs up.

He takes some deep breaths to make sure he's calm before he goes back out to the living room. Bucky is still on the couch where he left him, sucking on his metal thumb and staring at the blank TV screen.

"What do you want to do?" Steve asks. Bucky looks at him but doesn't answer.

"It's about lunch time," Steve says, looking at his watch. "Are you hungry?"

"Hungry." Bucky echoes. The word comes out muffled behind his thumb.

"Okay, you stay here and I'll go make lunch." Steve says. He picks up the remote and turns on the TV, flipping through the channels until he finds a kids channel. Some cartoon with a yellow rectangle guy and a pink star is playing. He sets the remote down and heads to the kitchen.

He decides to make grilled cheese and tomato soup, it's a simple meal that Bucky will hopefully eat even with whatever is going on with him right now. He adds a chocolate pudding as well, Bucky will like that. He sets the plate on the table with a glass of water.

He goes out to the living room and finds Bucky immersed in the cartoon. He tells him it's lunch time and turns off the TV, and doesn't say anything about it when Bucky whines. He leads him to the kitchen to eat.

Bucky eats the sandwich himself, although when he dips it in the soup he drips it everywhere. By the time he's finished the sandwich there is tomato soup all over the table, his shirt, and his face. He picks up the pudding and the spoon and hands it to Steve.

"You don't want it?" Steve asks.

"Want." Bucky says.

"Well here then." Steve tries to hand the pudding and spoon back to Bucky. Bucky pushes his hands away. He opens his mouth and points at it.

"You.....want me to feed it to you?" Steve asks, confused. Bucky nods.

"I'm not spoon feeding you, Bucky. You're an adult." It's the wrong thing to say, because Bucky starts crying.

"Fine, fine, please just stop crying." Steve peels the lid back and scoops up a spoonful of pudding. He holds it out to Bucky who immediately stops crying and leans forward to eat it.

Once the pudding is gone, Bucky goes to pick up the glass of water. He holds it out to Steve.

"What now?" Steve says.

"Water." 

"Yeah, I can see that. Are you thirsty?" Steve asks. Bucky nods.

"So drink it, then."

Bucky hesitates for a minute, looking at Steve, then the glass, and back to Steve. He lifts the glass to his mouth and tilts it all the way back, spilling it all over himself down his front. He coughs and begins to cry again. 

Steve sighs. He doesn't know what's wrong with Bucky or why he suddenly can't feed himself or drink from a cup. It's frustrating, but he stays calm. He knows it must be even more frustrating for Bucky.

He pulls off Bucky's wet shirt, and decides to wipe the soup off his face with it, since it already has soup on it anyway. 

Bucky is still crying. "Water." He says.

"You're still thirsty?" Steve asks. Bucky nods.

Steve goes to grab another glass, but decides to look for something else. He searches through the cupboards until he finds a tumbler style cup with a lid and straw. He fills it with water and hands it to Bucky. 

Bucky puts the straw in his mouth and goes to tip the cup all the way back again, and Steve grabs it from him. It won't spill as much since it has a lid, but Bucky won't be able to get anything out of the straw that way. He cries again when Steve takes the cup.

"Hold it down, like this," Steve says, and takes a sip from the straw to show Bucky. "Can you do that?"

Bucky nods and Steve hands him the cup. He drinks it all and hands it back to Steve.

"More." He says.

Steve fills the cup again and hands it back to him. He drinks as Steve leads him back out to the living room. He goes and grabs Bucky another shirt and helps him put it on. They sit on the couch and Steve turns the TV back on. 

They watch the cartoon for a while, and Steve finds it weird and confusing. Apparently the yellow square and the pink star live underwater? And they annoy the green guy with 4 legs who is quite rude. Steve doesn't get it, but Bucky seems happy so he doesn't change the channel. 

Halfway through the second episode, Bucky starts crying again. Steve doesn't know why until he notices the dark wet patch spreading across Bucky's pants and pooling under him on the couch. 

"Um... it's...it's okay, Bucky. Don't cry." Steve says, "Let's get you cleaned up again. Come on."

He stands and waits for Bucky to follow before he heads into the bathroom. He waits to see if Bucky will pull his own pants down and clean himself this time, but of course he doesn't. Steve didn't actually expect him to. 

So he pulls his pants and underwear off and wipes him down again. It's not until he's drying him off with the towel that he decides to ask:

"Why didn't you come use the bathroom, Bucky?"

Bucky doesn't say anything, he just shakes his head no. He has his thumb in his mouth again. 

"Will you come use the bathroom next time if you need to go?" Steve asks. Bucky shakes his head.

"Why not?" Again, Bucky just shakes his head and doesn't answer. Steve sighs.

He leaves Bucky in the bathroom and goes to grab him some new pants. He grabs a pair of underwear too, at first, before he changes his mind and goes to the box in the closet and pulls out one of the pull-up style briefs Bucky wears at night for his bedwetting. He brings both items back to Bucky in the bathroom. Bucky doesn't take the clothes when Steve holds them out and he's not surprised. 

Steve slips the brief up Bucky's legs and over his hips, followed by the pants. He stands back up and Bucky holds his arms out toward him.

"What?" Steve says. 

Bucky doesn't say anything. He just pouts and keeps his arms held out.

"What, Bucky? I don't know what you want. You have to tell me."

Bucky whines and stamps his foot. "Up." He says.

"You want me to pick you up? And carry you? Really?"

Bucky nods.

"No." Steve says. This whole situation has been weird and uncomfortable, but Steve has to draw the line somewhere. 

Bucky stamps his foot again. "Up!" He demands.

"No, Bucky. You're a grown man and you can walk. Stop acting like this, it's weird."

Bucky starts crying and drops to the floor. He kicks and screams in a genuine toddler style tantrum and it takes a significant amount of effort for Steve to stop himself from saying something hurtful. He takes a deep breath and tries to remind himself that Bucky more than likely isn't acting like this on purpose. 

"Hey, hey, calm down, Bucky. Please calm down. I'll hold you, if you really want. Just please calm down."

It takes a minute for Bucky to stop crying since he is pretty worked up now. He looks up to Steve with teary eyes and holds his arms out again. 

Steve picks him up off the floor and lets him wrap his legs around his waist and his arms around his neck. It's easy to carry Bucky, with the serum. It's just really awkward to carry a grown man on his hip like a child, that's why he didn't want to. If someone were to walk in right now, this would probably look very strange. He wouldn't know how to explain it.

Bucky yawns and lays his head on Steve's shoulder.

"Are you tired?" Steve hopes he is. Maybe if he goes to sleep he'll wake up normal again. Like when he has to restart his laptop.

"Tired." Bucky replies.

Steve carries him to the bedroom and lays him down on the bed. He goes to leave but Bucky whines.

"What?" 

Bucky rolls over to make room on the bed and holds his arms out. Steve sighs but joins him in bed. They usually sleep together anyway. Bucky immediately cuddles up to Steve, almost completely on top of him. He lays his head on Steve's chest and sticks his metal thumb back in his mouth.

Steve waits for Bucky's breathing to slow, indicating he's fallen asleep. He doesn't plan to sleep himself, he'll just lay here with Bucky until he wakes up. But he falls asleep anyway.

×

When Bucky wakes up, the first thing he notices is the sound of daddy's heartbeat under his head. He sighs sleepily and cuddles closer. He's missed daddy alot. But he starts to realize daddy feels different. His chest is bigger and harder. He opens his eyes, and doesn't recognize where he is for a moment. 

He looks up and sees the man who he's sleeping on isn't daddy. He suddenly remembers all the things that happened.

He's been very, very bad today and he knows it. He broke the glass and made a mess, he bled and made a mess, he spilled water and made a mess, he peed without his diaper on, _twice,_ and made a mess. Basically he's made a lot of messes. And daddy hates when he makes messes. And he threw a tantrum. If daddy was here, he thinks his butt would probably be bleeding right now.

He knows he's not supposed to be a baby with anyone else but daddy. But daddy's not here and he can't help it. 

This man hasn't spanked him for anything yet. He's only yelled at him a little bit. He's glad because he really doesn't like spankings. The man calls him Bucky. He gave him a name. Daddy only ever calls him baby when he's little. 

He hasn't seen daddy in a long time. Maybe daddy decided he didn't want him anymore because he is bad. Maybe he gave him to this man instead. 

Bucky feels really sad now. He misses daddy and he wishes he would come back. He can be good if daddy comes back. This man doesn't take care of him like daddy does. He doesn't think the man likes him. He wants daddy.

He goes to sit up and realizes his diaper is wet and that makes him feel even worse. He wants daddy to come change him and take care of him again. He starts to cry.

×

Steve wakes up to the sound of Bucky crying. He yawns and tries to rub the sleep from his eyes. He was more tired than he thought.

"Bucky? What's wrong?" He asks.

"I want daddy!" Bucky sobs.

Steve sighs. So the nap didn't work, then.

"Bucky, it's okay. Please don't cry." He tries to speak as gently as possible, as if he were actually talking to a child.

"Daddy!"

"Look, Bucky. I don't know who you're referring to, but I'm guessing not your father. Whoever "daddy" is, he's not here. It's just me, Steve. And I really want to help you snap out of this, whatever this is, and be yourself again. Please tell me how I can help."

Bucky cries harder. "Daddy! I want daddy! No like Steve!"

"You don't like me?" Steve asks flatly.

Bucky shakes his head no.

"Well that hurts my feelings, Bucky, because I love you. Even with whatever the hell it is that's happening to you right now. I still love you, I know you're not acting like this on purpose. I'm here, and -and, um, "daddy" isn't. Let me take care of you until you're feeling better, okay? What do you need right now?"

Bucky just cries for a few more minutes. Steve lets him get it out and waits for him to calm down.

"W-wet." He says eventually, between sad sniffles.

_Oh._ Of course he's wet. Why wouldn't he be? He's already pissed himself twice and he just woke up. Even normally he needs to change when he wakes up. Steve knows he won't clean himself while he's still like this, though, and he kind of regrets asking. He immediately feels guilty for that thought. And what if he hadn't asked? Would he just make Bucky sit in the wet pull up until he got a rash? He feels like such an ass.

He pushes the thoughts aside and gets up. "Come on then, let's get you cleaned up." He says, holding a hand out for Bucky, who takes it and lets Steve lead him to the bathroom. 

"If I put you in underwear can you use the bathroom when you need to instead of going in your pants?" He asks hopefully. 

He holds back the frustrated sigh when Bucky shakes his head no.

"So you want another incontinence brief, then?"

"Diaper." Bucky says.

".....Yes, that. You want a diaper?"

"Change diaper." Bucky says. "Wet." He adds, as if Steve didn't already know that.

"Yeah, I know. I'll get right on that. You stay here." Steve says. He leaves Bucky in the bathroom and goes back to the bedroom to grab another brief from the box in the closet.

When he returns to the bathroom, he finds Bucky laying on his back on the floor.

"Bucky, what are you doing now?" Steve asks, although he has a feeling he knows exactly what Bucky is doing.

He sees he's right when Bucky puts his legs up in the air and simply says: "Diaper."

Steve sighs, but nonetheless kneels down to change Bucky like a baby.

He pulls his pants off before he gets back up to wet the washcloth in the sink. He tears the sides of the brief and pulls it away before he wipes Bucky down. He dries him with the towel and slides the new brief up his legs, instructing him to lift up so he can pull it over his hips. He turns to throw the wet brief in the small bathroom trash can and when he turns back around Bucky is sitting up.

Steve grabs his pants and goes to help him put them on but Bucky pulls his legs away. 

"Bucky, put your pants on."

"No." Bucky stands up.

"Bucky." Steve says firmly.

"No! No pants!" Bucky says, and backs away when Steve reaches for him.

"Fine. No pants. Whatever." Steve says as he stands up. _pick your battles,_ he thinks to himself. This isn't worth more crying. He doesn't know if he can keep himself together if Bucky throws another tantrum.

He goes out into the living room knowing Bucky will follow him. When he settles on the couch though, he expects Bucky to sit next to him, not plop himself down right in his lap. But that's exactly what he does.

He doesn't say anything about it, he just lets Bucky sit on his lap and suck his metal thumb quietly. He grabs the remote from the armrest of the couch and pulls up Netflix. He doesn't even pay attention to what he puts on, he just picks the first cartoon he sees.

Bucky seems happy enough to just sit and watch the cartoon. Steve doesn't pay attention. He's too busy trying to think of what he's going to do if Bucky isn't back to normal by tomorrow. What if he never goes back to normal? Could this be permanent? What even happened to him to cause this? Can he care for Bucky like this full time and still be Captain America? He knows if he had to choose between Bucky or being an Avenger, he'd pick Bucky in a heartbeat, no questions asked. But he still feels uneasy at the thought of Bucky permanently acting like a baby. Does he even know what's going on? How much does he remember? Is regular Bucky trapped somewhere in his mind, unable to communicate? The thought reminds Steve of being trapped in the ice. He feels sick thinking about it. He doesn't want Bucky to suffer that. Is there something wrong with him? Could there be a physical problem causing this? Should Steve take him to the hospital?

His spiraling thoughts are interrupted by the abrupt sensation of heat on his leg, right where Bucky is sitting. He tries not to be too disgusted at the feeling of the diaper expanding and becoming warm and soggy against him as Bucky relieves himself into it. He's grateful now that he hadn't tried to make Bucky wear underpants. Bucky doesn't even seem to notice what he's done.

"Bucky, did you pee?" Steve asks after a minute, when it's clear Bucky either doesn't know or doesn't care.

Bucky shakes his head no.

"Yes you did, Bucky. It's okay, I'm not upset."

"No." Bucky says.

"Why did my lap suddenly get all warm then?" Steve questions.

"You." Bucky says, as if that explains anything.

"Me?" Steve asks.

"You." Bucky reiterates. He says it like it's common knowledge and Steve is an idiot for not knowing.

"No, I didn't pee, you did." Steve tells him. "Let's go get you changed."

"No pee." Bucky says.

"You did pee, and now you need to change. Get up, Bucky." Steve says as he gently tries to push Bucky up off his lap.

Bucky stands and Steve tries not to visibly cringe at the sight of the bloated and soggy garment sagging down between his thighs. Bucky clearly notices too, because he whines and starts squirming. 

"Wet!" He whines.

"Yes, we just had this conversation. Let's go change you." Steve says calmly.

"Change diaper." Bucky agrees. 

"That's right, in the bathroom. Let's go." Steve says as they walk down the hall.

"Wet." Bucky says again.

"Yes, wet. I know. We'll fix it, it's okay."

Steve stops at the bedroom to go grab a brief from the box. He grabs several more as an afterthought. Might as well have some ready in the bathroom since this is apparently a thing now.

Bucky is laying on the floor again when he gets to the bathroom. Steve doesn't even say anything, just wets the cloth in the sink and pulls off the wet pullup. He wipes him down, dries him with the towel, and puts the new brief on him. He reaches for the discarded pants Bucky wouldn't put on earlier and Bucky tries to squirm away.

"Bucky." Steve says.

"No!" Bucky whines.

"It's dinner time, you know. If you put your pants on you can have another chocolate pudding for dessert." 

That got Bucky to settle down enough for Steve to put the pants on him. 

After making sure Bucky was settled on the couch, he thought over what to make for dinner. Spaghetti is easy, but way too messy for Bucky in his current state of mind. He looks through fridge and freezer before he decides on left over pizza from yesterday. He pops it in the microwave and calls Bucky to the kitchen.

Once Bucky sits down Steve hands him the straw cup, freshly filled with cold water. He watches to make sure Bucky won't dump it all over himself before he pulls the pizza from the microwave and splits it onto two plates, one for him and one for Bucky.

Bucky immediately digs in and somehow manages to get pizza sauce all over his hands and face. Steve doesn't mention it. He eats his own pizza then feeds Bucky the pudding, oddly amused at Bucky's eagerness and clear enjoyment of the dessert. 

Once the food is all gone, Steve tells Bucky:

"You need a shower."

He brings Bucky to the bathroom once again and helps him out of his clothes and diaper. He starts the shower for him but Bucky doesn't make any move to get in. Steve sighs. He knows exactly where this is going.

"You want to take a bath?" Steve asks.

Bucky nods excitedly. "Bath, bath!" He says. "Bubbles?"

"Uh, we don't have bubbles."

Bucky looks disappointed. "Toys?" He asks shyly, and Steve wishes he had some because Bucky seems so sad now in comparison to his excitement just a minute ago.

"We don't have any toys either. I'm sorry." Steve says.

Bucky pouts, but nods.

Steve turns off the shower and runs the faucet instead.

Once the tub is filled and Steve has made sure the water is a good temperature, he helps Bucky step into the bath. 

He works on washing the pizza sauce off of Bucky before he washes the rest of his body. He makes sure Bucky keeps his eyes closed before he shampoos his hair. He doesn't want Bucky to get soap in his eyes. After he's rinsed the shampoo out, conditioned his hair and rinsed that out too, he gives Bucky the cup he rinsed his hair with. He can play with that for a few minutes.

He regrets it moments later when a cup full of water is thrown in his face.

"Bucky!" Steve says. "Don't do that."

Bucky only giggles and fills the cup again. Steve grabs it from him before he can throw it and Bucky whines.

"Come on, out. The water is getting cold anyway."

Bucky whines but stands and lets Steve help him out of the tub. 

Steve turns to grab a towel off the rack but he hears water suddenly hitting the tile floor behind him. He spins back around thinking Bucky grabbed the cup again and is dumping water on the floor, only to see instead that he's peeing.

Steve sighs and rubs a hand over his face. He needs to stay calm for Bucky's sake. 

"Bucky." Steve says. "Seriously? The toilet is right there."

Bucky doesn't answer him, he just sucks on his metal thumb and watches the puddle growing on the floor until his stream comes to a stop. Then he looks up at Steve and points at the pee with the hand that's not in his mouth.

"Yes, I see it. You could have at the very least gone in the tub full of dirty water right next to you if you didn't want to use the toilet."

"Sorry." Bucky says quietly, and Steve softens at the slight lisp.

"It's okay. What's done is done. Come here. Step around the pee. Yes, good job. Here." Steve says. He dries Bucky off and helps him step into a brief.

"Go wait for me on the bed. I'll be there in a minute. Steve tells him. He watches Bucky leave the room before he pulls the drain from the tub and throws the towel down on the pee puddle. He'll have to remember to clean the floor for real tomorrow. For now he'll just use the towel. 

He finds Bucky sitting on the bed like he told him. He gathers pajamas for both of them and dresses Bucky first before changing his own clothes.

He turns off the light, leaving the door open with the hallway light on, before he goes to the bed and lays down. Bucky once again cuddles up almost on top of him. This time Steve puts his arms around him and cuddles him back. They fall asleep like that and there is no issues for the rest of the night.

×

Bucky wakes up first in the morning. He yawns and stretches, accidentally waking Steve who he is basically on top of. 

"Bucky." Steve says once he's done his own stretch. "Are you wet?" He asks.

"Uh...yeah?" Bucky answers hesitantly. Steve knows he always is when he wakes up. He doesn't have to rub it in.

Steve's eyes widen. "You're back!" He exclaims.

Bucky is confused. "What do you mean "I'm back"? Where did I go?" He asks. He thinks back to yesterday. The last thing he remembers is knocking the glass off the table. Everything after that is blank. _oh._ He recognizes those blank gaps in time from before. He knows exactly what must have happened. 

Steve confirms his suspicions with his next words. "You were acting really odd yesterday, like a baby. You kept crying, and asking for your "daddy". I was worried about you." He doesn't mention how Bucky wet himself multiple times. He doesn't want to embarrass him. He's sure Bucky probably knows anyway, just from his question a few minutes ago. "What happened? Are you okay now?"

Bucky sighs and tries to think of how to explain.

"When I was with Hydra," he begins, "the Commander- I mean, Rumlow, you know Brock Rumlow. He sometimes forced me to act like that. Whether it was for sexual gratification, or just entertainment, I don't know. But whenever he had me alone on missions, once we were back at the safehouse he ordered me to wear diapers and pretend to be a toddler. He was my- uh, he made me call him daddy. And he "cared" for me when I was like that. He made me pretend so much that eventually it became automatic. I kind of developed this separate headspace, I guess, where I'm like a 2 year old. I usually don't remember much of what happens when I'm like that, and I don't have any control over it. After a while, the switch sometimes would happen involuntarily. After I escaped Hydra, I would suddenly "wake up" or come back to myself, with blank spaces in my memory where I'm guessing I was in the baby headspace. But it started happening less and less and eventually stopped. It hadn't happened in quite a while before you took me in. I thought I was over it. The last thing I remember from yesterday is knocking a glass off the table. That must have triggered it somehow because it's all blank after that." He doesn't look at Steve as he finishes.

Steve spends a few minutes thinking about that. 

"So you, like, involuntarily become a baby in a grown man's body because Rumlow forced you to fulfill his weird fantasies?" Steve asks.

"Basically." Bucky says. "Was I a little shit? Tell me I at least behaved for you."

"No, no, you were relatively well behaved. I definitely could have been more patient with you, but I was kind of in shock. You weren't bad at all. You only sort of threw a small tantrum when I didn't want to pick you up."

Bucky looks at Steve with disbelief. "I threw a _tantrum_?" He asks.

"Only a very small one. No big deal. Just crying and only a bit of kicking and screaming."

"Damn." Bucky says, shaking his head. "If I would have acted like a brat like that around Rumlow I probably wouldn't be able to sit for a month. Sorry about that." 

"You- uh- what? Did he... did he like, spank you?" Steve stutters.

"All the time. Hard. With his belt. For pretty much everything." Bucky says. "I, I mean, it shouldn't have been that bad. I won't even begin to tell you the punishments and torture I endured as the Winter Soldier. You know a lot of it anyway. So a belt across my ass shouldn't even phase me. But for some reason, from what I do remember of being in the baby headspace, it was basically the end of the world. It was like it's own brand of torture." He shudders. "Please, promise me Steve, that if I ever fall into that headspace again, that you'll never spank me. With your belt or anything else. Please."

"Of course not, Bucky. I promise. I would never hit you or hurt you in any way. You know that. Of course I wouldn't." Steve says. "You think you'll become the baby again someday?"

"Well, I thought it would never happen again but you saw what happened yesterday. I can only assume now that it can and probably will happen again." Bucky answers. "And you don't have to deal with me when I'm like that. You shouldn't have to deal with me. You can just lock me in the closet or something." He mutters.

"Bucky, _no_!" Steve exclaims, horrified. "I would never do that. I love you regardless of the headspace and I will always take care of you. Don't talk like that."

"Are you sure, Steve? I know I'm probably a spoiled brat. You shouldn't have to be burdened with taking care of me just because Rumlow was a perv."

"You were _not_ a brat. You were perfect. I was just short with you because I was confused. I promise I'll do better to take care of you next time. I'll be more patient. I swear it."

Bucky just sighs and looks away. He doesn't want Steve to feel responsible for him, but he doesn't want to argue either.

"What kinds of... uh, things, do you need when you're like that? Anything we'll need to buy? We should be prepared, just in case." Steve says after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence. 

Bucky blushes, hard. "Um," he begins. He logically knows Steve won't tease him, and he's only asking because he wants to help. But he's still embarrassed. "...Sippy cups. Pacifiers. Actual diapers, like with the tapes, instead of the briefs I wear at night. And wipes. For the, um, for changing the diapers." 

"Okay," Steve replies. "We can get you those things. Do you want toys? You asked for toys in the bath, and you were so disappointed when I had nothing to offer. And you wanted bubble bath. I'll buy that too. But you need toys." Steve said.

"I don't need toys. I'll live, Steve. You don't need to spoil me. Just the basics will be fine."

"But I _want_ to spoil you," Steve replies. "I'm buying you toys. Lots of them. And there's nothing you can do about it. Try to stop me, I dare you."

Bucky tries not to laugh and fails. "Idiot." He says fondly.

"But I'm your idiot." Steve points out. Then he gets serious again. "I want to take care of you, Bucky, when you're like that. If it happens again. If it doesn't, so what. We should be prepared anyway. Better safe than sorry, right?" He says. "I don't think I took care of you very well yesterday, and I'm sorry. I want to do better, next time. If there is a next time. I love you, Buck. Always."

"I love you too, Stevie." Bucky says. "If there's a next time, I'll try to remember to behave for you. But like I said, no control. And there might not even be a next time." He adds.

"We'll see." Steve says. And then, after a pause, "We should shower." 

"Best idea ever."

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to make up some brainwashing or something that Rumlow did to make Bucky have this separate headspace that he would slip into as baby Bucky but I couldn't think of something. So we can just pretend that his mind was already weak/suggestive from the previous brainwashing/programming so it just sort of happened. Bucky does not remember much of what happens when he is in "baby Bucky mode" and isn't in control of what baby Bucky is doing. I don't have a logical explanation to explain that, but it's just fiction.
> 
> The cartoon Steve puts on for Bucky is SpongeBob. 
> 
> If you have requested something for my request based one shots series, don't worry, I'm still working on them!


End file.
